Friday, November 18, 2011
Baby Steps
America is my home. No matter what I'm thinking or feeling about being here, it's my home. I'm back living with my mom for now. I was lucky enough to find a job very fast and now I need to figure out the best way for me to live my life happily. I want to go back to Kenya. I would get on a plane right now if it made any sense to do that, but I know that it doesn't. Luckily, MVA Kenya (the program I was working with) is sending all of the unused money to the Diocese of Nevada. I'll be talking with the Bishop early next week to figure out what to do with it. I hope that it can be saved so I can return to finish the work I still feel I'm called to do. Just because things did not go exactly as I'd hoped or planned, they are not over and I am dedicated to this mission, and dedicated to the work I've been called to do. This time it didn't work out, but I'm going to try again. I'm taking baby steps to get myself back in the swing of things on the American side. Hopefully I'll be able to visit Reno soon to share my experiences and successes with the people who have supported me with this. I have a lot of pictures and a lot of really great things to share. I will go back to Kenya because it is home for me now too. I'm allowed to have 2 homes, and so I do.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Exodus
Exodus 3: 7-10
Then the Lord said, ‘I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the country of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. The cry of the Israelites has now come to me; I have also seen how the Egyptians oppress them. So come, I will send you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.’
I am leaving Kenya. In fact, I have already left Kenya. I am in Amsterdam (with my passport this time) and I'm downright devastated to be here. I was supposed to be in Kenya for another 6 months. Things in Kenya had started to go terribly wrong. Al-Shaabab is a horrible group doing horrible things and it turns out that MVA Kenya, although they do really good work in the community, was not a good fit for me. I have done wrong and I have been wronged. It is all wrong. I have at times felt like a slave in Egypt and at times felt like the one causing the suffering. Now I have been delivered from my placement there. Maybe delivered isn't the right word, but I'm trying to be positive. I guess I'm now going to the Promised Land, wherever that is. I really just feel like I'm wandering the desert. Hopefully it won't take me 40 years to figure out where I'm going. I don't know who Moses is in this story, but I'm pretty sure that if anyone thinks they are, they probably aren't. I am definitely not Moses. God is teaching me something, and I'm trying to listen, but I just don't know what to think or do.
I wonder if the Israelites were sad to leave Egypt, even though it was a place of great suffering. I mean they had lived there for so long that it probably still felt like home. And even though they were being forced to do things, they still probably accomplished pretty great things. You know what I mean? I feel that way. Even though it was unsafe and often unhappy for me in Kenya, it felt like home. I have never felt like someplace was so right, like I did with Kenya. Kenya is my home. Yeah I just said that. Weird right? I did really cool stuff there too, even if it all got pretty messed up in the end, I'm still very proud of what I've done in the library and as far as encouraging kids to love books. I think I've done good work. It's too bad that it all had to end this way. I'm in the desert all right, but the Promised Land is out there waiting for me. I just need to keep listening to my heart for the whispers of God to lead the way. I will get there. I have to.
Then the Lord said, ‘I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the country of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. The cry of the Israelites has now come to me; I have also seen how the Egyptians oppress them. So come, I will send you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.’
I am leaving Kenya. In fact, I have already left Kenya. I am in Amsterdam (with my passport this time) and I'm downright devastated to be here. I was supposed to be in Kenya for another 6 months. Things in Kenya had started to go terribly wrong. Al-Shaabab is a horrible group doing horrible things and it turns out that MVA Kenya, although they do really good work in the community, was not a good fit for me. I have done wrong and I have been wronged. It is all wrong. I have at times felt like a slave in Egypt and at times felt like the one causing the suffering. Now I have been delivered from my placement there. Maybe delivered isn't the right word, but I'm trying to be positive. I guess I'm now going to the Promised Land, wherever that is. I really just feel like I'm wandering the desert. Hopefully it won't take me 40 years to figure out where I'm going. I don't know who Moses is in this story, but I'm pretty sure that if anyone thinks they are, they probably aren't. I am definitely not Moses. God is teaching me something, and I'm trying to listen, but I just don't know what to think or do.
I wonder if the Israelites were sad to leave Egypt, even though it was a place of great suffering. I mean they had lived there for so long that it probably still felt like home. And even though they were being forced to do things, they still probably accomplished pretty great things. You know what I mean? I feel that way. Even though it was unsafe and often unhappy for me in Kenya, it felt like home. I have never felt like someplace was so right, like I did with Kenya. Kenya is my home. Yeah I just said that. Weird right? I did really cool stuff there too, even if it all got pretty messed up in the end, I'm still very proud of what I've done in the library and as far as encouraging kids to love books. I think I've done good work. It's too bad that it all had to end this way. I'm in the desert all right, but the Promised Land is out there waiting for me. I just need to keep listening to my heart for the whispers of God to lead the way. I will get there. I have to.
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