Halfway

I'm stuck in airport purgatory; the great in-between.  I am halfway between the life I live in America and the life I will lead for the next 9 months.  Lucky for me, I lost my passport and am now given ample time (while they process a new passport for me) to think about and process my transition in the literal sense as well as in the not so literal.  I am literally moving to Kenya and my stop here in Amsterdam is literally halfway.  This is a pretty cool airport as airports go.  If I have to be stuck anywhere for a nice long time, at least it's here and not say, the Reno airport.  


Not so literally, I am stuck emotionally somewhere between sad and excited.  Sad because there are a lot of people that I already miss terribly. The guy on the plane, Joe, was great though!! Every time I started to cry he just cracked a joke and asked if I wanted to watch another movie!  Then we made fun of them the whole time, it was so much fun!  I'm excited because, well, I'm going to Kenya to do the work I've been wanting to do my whole darn life! But today, mostly sad.  I'm also stuck somewhere between tired and awake.  I mean it's almost noon here, but I've been awake for a solid 18 hours at least by now.  So it feels like I should be awake, but I'm also pretty tired from this crazy day. 


As my other seat-mate was telling me, I need to live in the moment and feel what I'm feeling right now.  I don't get to have this experience over again and I need to be halfway and enjoy it! The great in-between can be such a great place if I could only learn to just be here, instead of trying to get there.  


Right now I am halfway to Kenya.  Emotionally halfway there, and physically halfway there.  But am I really? I feel like I'm just getting started.

Learning How to Fly

Everyone is born with wings and the power to do great things in the world.  It's just a matter of untying the strings that hold you back.  That's what I'm doing for the next 13 days.  Saying goodbye to all of the people who have gotten me here and to all the places that I love.  I get the wild opportunity to fly to a country where there are people starving on every street corner because the rains never came.  Where children never met their parents because they died of some disease that the Western World eradicated decades ago.  Where education is not the first or even the tenth priority on the list.  Does that make them wrong? Maybe you think it does, but I don't.  They know stuff that we can only dream of.  They know about taking care of each other in ways that some Americans can really learn from.  I plan to.  

Last weekend, I untied the string that held me to Trinity Episcopal Church.  Stefani Schatz preached about the incredible hardship of the people I am going to encounter.  Famine and poverty and hunger that we Americans can't even imagine.  I felt motivated to run from the church straight onto a plane, but I guess I'll wait until the 29th.  They prayed for me and then with many hugs and a few things to carry along, they sent me on my way.

I hate goodbyes.  I'm not good at them because I hold on too tightly. I want to stay almost as much as I need to go.  Kenya is where my heart is, but my heart is still really attached to places here.  And there are so many goodbyes left to say!  Denise, Alodie, Mom, Dad, Nick, Sarah, All Saints'!! I don't want to leave you behind. I want to stay with you! In a few days I leave Camp Galilee, my home for the last three months, and go to Las Vegas.  Camp will be a hard goodbye.  They have become my family in a way that I never knew could happen in just a few months. This place is holy that way. Then on the 29th, I get on a plane in Los Angeles and away I go.

Untying strings is harder than I ever imagined.  My wings are getting restless and I'm holding myself back now.  Slowly, one by one, with every goodbye, I get closer to flight.  My dreams are waiting for me, I just need to jump.  Maybe I need some scissors.