Baby Steps

America is my home. No matter what I'm thinking or feeling about being here, it's my home. I'm back living with my mom for now. I was lucky enough to find a job very fast and now I need to figure out the best way for me to live my life happily.  I want to go back to Kenya. I would get on a plane right now if it made any sense to do that, but I know that it doesn't.  Luckily, MVA Kenya (the program I was working with) is sending all of the unused money to the Diocese of Nevada. I'll be talking with the Bishop early next week to figure out what to do with it.  I hope that it can be saved so I can return to finish the work I still feel I'm called to do. Just because things did not go exactly as I'd hoped or planned, they are not over and I am dedicated to this mission, and dedicated to the work I've been called to do. This time it didn't work out, but I'm going to try again. I'm taking baby steps to get myself back in the swing of things on the American side. Hopefully I'll be able to visit Reno soon to share my experiences and successes with the people who have supported me with this. I have a lot of pictures and a lot of really great things to share. I will go back to Kenya because it is home for me now too. I'm allowed to have 2 homes, and so I do.

Exodus

Exodus 3: 7-10
Then the Lord said, ‘I have observed the misery of my people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry on account of their taskmasters. Indeed, I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them from the Egyptians, and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the country of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. The cry of the Israelites has now come to me; I have also seen how the Egyptians oppress them. So come, I will send you to Pharaoh to bring my people, the Israelites, out of Egypt.’

I am leaving Kenya. In fact, I have already left Kenya. I am in Amsterdam (with my passport this time) and I'm downright devastated to be here. I was supposed to be in Kenya for another 6 months. Things in Kenya had started to go terribly wrong. Al-Shaabab is a horrible group doing horrible things and it turns out that MVA Kenya, although they do really good work in the community, was not a good fit for me. I have done wrong and I have been wronged. It is all wrong. I have at times felt like a slave in Egypt and at times felt like the one causing the suffering. Now I have been delivered from my placement there. Maybe delivered isn't the right word, but I'm trying to be positive. I guess I'm now going to the Promised Land, wherever that is. I really just feel like I'm wandering the desert. Hopefully it won't take me 40 years to figure out where I'm going. I don't know who Moses is in this story, but I'm pretty sure that if anyone thinks they are, they probably aren't. I am definitely not Moses. God is teaching me something, and I'm trying to listen, but I just don't know what to think or do.

I wonder if the Israelites were sad to leave Egypt, even though it was a place of great suffering. I mean they had lived there for so long that it probably still felt like home. And even though they were being forced to do things, they still probably accomplished pretty great things. You know what I mean? I feel that way. Even though it was unsafe and often unhappy for me in Kenya, it felt like home. I have never felt like someplace was so right, like I did with Kenya. Kenya is my home. Yeah I just said that. Weird right? I did really cool stuff there too, even if it all got pretty messed up in the end, I'm still very proud of what I've done in the library and as far as encouraging kids to love books. I think I've done good work. It's too bad that it all had to end this way. I'm in the desert all right, but the Promised Land is out there waiting for me. I just need to keep listening to my heart for the whispers of God to lead the way. I will get there. I have to.

I Have Become the Stereotype...

I am a librarian. I pester kids about returning their books, I tidy up the library every morning and every afternoon, I write out fine slips and type up book lists. I sit with kids when they come to the library. I do it all. I am the super librarian at School of the Nations. 

Librarians are seen so often as hard faced old women who love books more than anyone in the world and who are mean about making people return their books and heartless about fine collection. Yeah I get that. I am that. But I understand now why librarians are like this. It has nothing to do with a hatred of children. I love kids with all of my heart, I just want kids to have access to every book possible. I want them to dive into the world of literature and it bothers me when kids don't bring back their books because it's like they are stealing that book from the other kids. Is that weird? Yeah kinda, but I don't care. This is their library and they need to share.

Over the last 2 months I've been working on making this library a fun and inviting place where kids want to hang out and spend their free time. It was hard at first because the boards had been up for years, and the format of the library was cluttered and dysfunctional. Not anymore!! Super Librarian to the Rescue! I have replaced all but one board and have moved every single shelf to make this a more livable and inviting place. I have also worked really hard to give the kids ownership of this room. Let me show you what I've done :)

This is the reference section. This section did not exist before. It was really all over the place. The short book shelf is one half of the Kindergarten reading corner. I will tell you about that map later cause it's my favorite part of this library.

This is the Non-fiction section (it was crammed onto one bookshelf before, now it has 3) and little reading table for the few kids who don't want to sit on the ground or on the cushions.

We all have our favorites. Roald Dahl is mine. We only have 3 of his books, but they have already gone through like 8 kids since I put this up. The kids can't get enough!

This is the study corner. The learning support teacher brings her kids in here often for a quite and not so distracting place to work. She used to have to sit right in the middle of the flow of student traffic from the outside to the computer lab. Not anymore! You can also see the games corner. We only have chess and checkers, and they are only allowed to play during break and lunch time. Library time is for books.

This long row of book shelves is Upper Primary Fiction on one side and Lower Primary Fiction on the other. My next project is to make this more true. The books were divided in a very subjective way and you can often find very primary chapter books on the Upper Primary side. It's really great to have a real fiction section too. It was all over the place when I arrived as well. The 2 brown boxes by the door are where the kids return their books from home. We are still working on the culture of returning them on time, but we are definitely getting there :)

You remember how I said that the fiction books are little mixed up. This board was put up in hops that kids will branch out and really try to read a book that challenges their minds. There has been progress, but I think this is one of those constant battle types of things. 

Kids need help some times, and this board has most of the teachers making recommendations for their students reading levels. It has also given the kids a little bit of inspiration. Most of these books have been checked out at least once.

Aww.... The map. All of those little slips of paper represents one of the students. It has their name, their year number and their family's country of origin. Then a string runs from their name to the country. It is so cool and totally kid friendly. You can pull of the strings and they don't go anywhere and you can find yourself and all of your friends. The little kids that are used on this were colored by the kids in Year 3. I think this is one of the most important things I've done to build that ownership I was talking about.

and every classroom needs the alphabet ;) 

I love this school and I hope that the things that I've done to try and help really do make an impact on the literacy here. The things I've done are little, but I hope the results are big. I am a librarian and I know now why we are the way were are. I also know now that I just want this library to feel like the ones I grew up in. All through middle school I spent my lunches in the library because I liked it better than sitting around gossiping with friends. Does that make me a nerd? Yes, I believe that it does.

Terrorists are terrorizing

God terrorism sucks. It really just needs to stop. Islam is such a beautiful faith with so much to offer this world. Terrorism should not be one of them. Does throwing a grenade into a crowed night club or a bus stop make you a more faithful person? Nope, it does not. It makes you Al-Shabab. If you have no idea what I'm talking about read this.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-15467507

I wasn't sure I wanted to post this because I feel like it might just make people freak out, so please don't. I know that you worry about me, and that's why I love you guys. I also know that trouble has a way of finding me, even when I am far from it. This time I'm close. These things have now happened in the town I live in. I have not been nearby, but it's close in the grand scheme. Americans and people who Al-Shabab thinks are Americans have been kidnapped, but that is mostly near the border with Somalia which I'm about as far from as you can be while still being in the same country. Kenyans are watching out for these people. They don't want them here either. I heard some guy on the radio say that if they wanted to attack Americans they could go ahead, but stop making everyone else miserable. I only felt sad. I don't want to get blown up or kidnapped any more than the next person. Luckily that sentiment has not been echoed by anyone I know. I'm not sure what else to say except that I would love your prayers and I promise to keep my head down and not go looking for trouble. 

The Masai Mara

There are some places in the world where things are just more.  More beautiful, more massive, more green, just more. San Diego's Zoo Safari park does a really good job of making it feel like that, but it's not.  I don't care how beautiful the setting, those animals were still captured and moved to a place where they don't actually belong.  They belong in the Masai Mara. Period.  San Diego can't hold a candle to the actual birthplace of these beautiful creatures. I know, because I've now been to both.

I'm a little tempted to let the pictures speak for themselves, but I'll give you a some commentary :)

These zebras were engaged in an epic battle.  As you can see, one of them is bleeding badly and it's likely this fight will carry on until on is dead or they just give up. Unfortunately, the injured zebra is now super vulnerable to predators like the lion. Guess that's the price you pay for love.

I was so lucky to see a cheetah at all, but I was even luckier to see it enjoying this Thompson gazelle. This trip has given me a new appreciation for the circle of life. It's so interesting to really see it in action.

 Giraffe's are so vulnerable when they drink water and they can only do it for a minute or two at a time. I think you can see why.

You know that scene in The Lion King, right before they start the wildebeest stampede.  Yeah, I was there. I was literally surrounded completely by these animals.  They are so funny.  Did you know that they hang out with zebras because they have terrible eyesight.  Zebras can see pretty well and when they run from a predator the wildebeest follow. Now that's friendship right there.

Um... hippos are officially my favorite part of this trip!! Holy Hippo they are HUGE.  Here there are at least 20.  We even got to get out of the car to get closer and better photos.

This is my favorite tree from the whole trip. I was really hoping to see a leopard, but never got the chance.  This is the kind of tree that leopards just love!! I totally get it.

My safari buddies and our drive/guide Peter. Super great people to do a trip like this with.

Now, welcome to Maasailand.  These are some of the people who live in this place.  Some worked at the camp I stayed at and some just lived nearby.  They are beautiful.  Can you see why the Maasai are just truly incredible?

I feel like I woke up this morning and wondered if this was real life.  Then I looked at the pictures again. I guess it was.  I am so grateful that I got to share 3 days with the world most amazing and interesting animals and people. I love Kenya. I love it, I love it, I love it.

Shirt on the Roof

Culture is a funny thing.  You can grow up in a place where it makes perfect sense for everyone to own one or two or three cars.  In America that seems like a perfectly acceptable thing. In fact, it even makes you better in some ways.  It shows that you can afford to have an excess of these things. On the other hand, it is totally culturally acceptable in other places to buy all of your meat at an outdoor market.  In America, you would probably walk past an outdoor butcher and think about how gross it is (I do) and proceed to the nearest grocery store, but not here.


I learned the other day about a cultural practice that really got me going.  This is the first one that I was really shocked by.  I know that there are things that happen here that I don't agree with and that is probably just because I grew up somewhere totally different, but this one was a shock to me.  The person who was telling me about it just thought it was funny that I got so upset, but I don't really think it's funny. Basically, the idea is that if you are some guy and your neighbor dies and you really thought his wife was the bees knees, you could inherit her. I think inherit is the wrong word, but that's what the teller of the story said.  I think a better word might be acquire. All you have to do is throw your shirt onto the roof of this dead man's house while at the funeral.  AT THE FUNERAL, PEOPLE!!! Seriously!?!?! I am not kidding you.  I was totally thrown by this.  I felt so feminist in this moment that I felt like burning a bra right there... but I restrained myself.


Let me also say that I get it. I get that women in village culture, especially if they had a husband who did all of the money earning, would have a really hard time supporting themselves after their spouses death.  I get that culturally it is then the village's responsibility to help support her and the easiest way to do that is to have her remarry.  But come on! The person telling me this said that sometimes there are many men who come to the funeral with shirts over their shoulders and they walk around the house trying to find the best way to toss it up there. Whatever happened to love? What happened to personal choice? I don't know, but I do know that at least in this case I am really  glad that I'm an American. Luckily he also said that this practice is a dying one. I can't say I was disappointed.  I feel like it's a lot like arranged marriages; they work just fine, but no one is really very happy about the situation. I choose love. I choose choice. I think most people would too given the opportunity. 

Pepsi or Coke?

Decisions... decisions.  The Pepsi or Coke issue in Kenya is such an easy one.  There is only one place that sells Pepsi and it's expensive.  Good thing I'd choose Coke anyway, it's just way better. If only all of our decisions in life were that easy.  This feels good, or tastes good, or looks good and that's what I want.  This week has been about decisions and choosing the bad, icky and ugly.  I have sort of always thought about this trip as choosing the crazy thing and not necessarily the smartest or most conventional.  So you'd think that I was better at choosing the harder option. Not so.  I am a human.  Humans make mistakes. 


Thank God that humans also understand other humans or I would be in a lot more trouble than I am.  My biggest mistake this week was calling someone a jerk.  In America if I said, "You're a jerk" many hip young people would think of the New Boys and say, "I know." and maybe have a good laugh, because although it can be a somewhat disrespectful word, it's not like using some other choice words.  It's very mild as far as insults go. In Kenya it's pretty much equivalent to calling a person the scum of the earth.  In my defense, I'm new here and had NO idea that's what it meant. But really I have no excuse. I should never have said it in the first place.  In this case I should have said, "you were being insensitive," instead of, "you were being a  jerk."  I made a huge cultural blunder and quickly found myself in a much more serious discussion than I'd intended.


Luckily, humans understand each other and after some time the situation cooled down and although I made a mistake, I hope that it's now forgiven.  Pepsi and Coke are really different, but ultimately I think that in a pinch we would all be fine with either, but when you step into a completely different culture, the choices aren't that easy or flexible.  Allison and I were talking and I think we both agree that the best option is always the hardest and the best path is the roughest.  What a bummer. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just choose the easy, selfish thing and have it magically work out?  But that's just not the way it is.  I think my biggest issue this week is the "what if" game.  What if I decided to do this, or that? What if I chose a different word in that doomed conversation? What if, what if, what if.  I'll continue to have hard choices to make, but I hope that they get a little easier over the next few months as I get to know this role and this place a little better. I hope.